Sometimes you will need to accept that the person has unresolved issues and feelings even when they leave. You need to be able to tolerate differences of outlook, and a person’s unwillingness to change his/her situation.

“I understand how you feel”, is one of the most aggravating phrases and invites the aggressive retort “You DON’T KNOW how I feel!”! You are able to tolerate less than perfect outcomes Minimising others feelings “It’ll be alright, don’t worry, don’t feel so bad”, is usually an expression of your own discomfort with those feelings, rather than a helpful response for them. “It’s not really such a big problem”, is not helpful to the person with a problem. You avoid labelling and dismissing the person or their feelings Preaching and patronising attitudes are not the domain of peacekeepers. It is inappropriate for us to try to convince others that we are right and they are wrong. This means that every person has a right to make his/her own decisions and choices even if you disagree or disapprove. You respect the person’s individuality and right of self-determination. If you are patient and not anxious to put in your ‘two cents’ worth, and show that you remember what the person is saying (“So you’ve been married to Mary for 7 years now”), your interest can be demonstrated and conveyed. ‘Phoney sincerity’ does not work: your tone of voice will convey your sincerity. People quickly sense when your response is not genuine. You want to listen and are interested in the person. Attitudes that contribute to active listening You need to be aware of your own beliefs, needs, biases and limitations.īasic to the quality of your communication are the beliefs and attitudes you bring, attitudes you hold in relation to others, and to yourself.

Your own attitudes can intrude on the listening process and it is important that this does not happen. Self awareness will alert you to your own attitudes and biases, so that you resist imposing these on other people. The skill of the trade comes with the appropriate application of the tool.Īctive listening is more than hearing: It involves processing what has been heard and skilfully selecting a response.Īt its most basic, active listening serves to encourage the person to tell more and most importantly, communicates to the person that you are interested and listening. Active listening is a fundamental skill applied in so many aspects of nonviolent community safety, which, when sensitively used, is one of the most powerful and useful tools we have for peace.Īctive listening is a tool and only a tool: Just as the ability to use a hammer does not make a carpenter neither does the ability to actively listen make a counsellor.